The Long Voyage

Savary Island

29/08 — Duke’s Marina (Sechelt) to Savary Island

Longest voyage of the summer. In a way, the whole season has been building up to this — testing the boat, fixing the boat, testing ourselves. Each short run a rehearsal for something bigger. Now it’s time.

Full tank of gas and a reserve. Calm forecast. The last long weekend of summer. We’re headed to Savary Island.

The Strait of Georgia was smooth, sky pale blue. We passed Nelson Island when two humpbacks surfaced just ahead, their backs arcing gracefully, heading north, same as us. We held steady, careful not to alter their course.

A humbpack waving its tail in the distance

An hour later, more whales near Texada. The sound of their exhale carried across the water, heavy and breathy like the earth sighing. Past Powell River, still more whales. Three sightings, plus porpoises cruising through the calm. At this point, we were worrying more about avoiding marine wildlife than dodging debris. The sea was alive, and we were guests moving through it.

This strait, once quiet of whales, is now a highway of life again. Humpbacks returning each year. Dolphins, porpoises, grays threading the same waters. We didn’t see orcas this year, but that’s ok. We’d been given enough.

After just two hours and about 40 nautical miles, Savary came into view. Long and low, like a ribbon of sand stretched across the water.

Arriving to Savary Island

We passed the mooring field, followed sonar to forty feet to avoid the shoaling shallows, and set anchor. Dropped a crab cage for luck.

The sun cracked open the horizon, smoke from distant fires painting the sky red and orange. Dinner was flank steak with chimichurri and fried plantains, and a bottle of red.

Sunset dinner aboard with flank steak, fresh chimichurri, fried plantains, grilled asparagus and red wine

Bioluminescence shimmered in the water like starlight trapped beneath the surface. A shooting star burned overhead.

Sunset and moonrise

Sleep was restless. Dreams of barking dogs woke me, heart pounding. But the anchor had held. Sea Goat was steady.

30/08 — Savary Island

A slow morning, coffee and breakfast on deck, then a dinghy ride over to the wharf.

Off exploring the island

Savary is built for two wheels. A sandy spine of road runs the length of the island, with trails and side paths peeling off toward beaches and coves. Up Campbell Road, we rented e-bikes from the local shop. We cruised west, meandering through sandy stretches and shaded forest trails until the road opened toward the south side. At Duck Bay, we leaned the bikes against driftwood and stopped for a cold one, specifically a yummy cider from Banditry, a local cidery on the Sunshine Coast.

Savary is unlike anywhere else. White sand beaches wrap around it, warm shallows giving it a near-tropical feel. Once a gathering place for the Coast Salish, it later became a retreat for settlers and wanderers. It still feels like a place that resists being tamed.

Turns out, paradise really is just 0 km away

Back to check on Sea Goat — still holding safe beyond the shoals — then on to Mermaid Cove.

Mermaid Cove

From the beach, climbed the stairs and walked a short path to the Mermaid Beach Club. Palomas with feet in the sand, but wasps chased us off before the charcuterie board. We saved that for later.

On the beach we met a couple of local sun coaster who split their time between Sechelt and Savary. She’s a flight attendant, he’s a tattoo artist. They had the cutest bear-like pup who rolled happily in the sand. I miss having a dog. We swapped stories, shared laughs, and they gave us tips about island life. I hope to see them again.

Back aboard, the sky turned gold once more. Charcuterie this time, Warren’s smoked salmon, a glass of wine.

Charcuterie aboard and chilled rosé

The moon lifted over the bay, bioluminescence flickering below, and lightning flared far to the west. The sea was calm, the night alive.

Perfect sunset

Savary felt like a place we could stay longer, but the tide of the weekend was already pulling us south.

Perfect moonrise

31/08 — Savary Island to McRae Cove (Qathet)

Anchor up at 8:30 am. Grey skies, low clouds. Crab trap gone. Northerly winds coming, so it was time to leave.

We cruised at seventeen knots, towing the dinghy. Then, off the starboard, two humpbacks erupted from the water, breaching high into the air before crashing back in a spray. A farewell show.

We stopped for fuel at Powell River — this trip already a full tank and more. Passed the Airbnb where we stayed with Juno last year. Seeing it from the water was bittersweet.

Waves built as we went, but Sea Goat sliced through them smoothly. We reached McRae Cove, a wide, sandy-bottomed bay. Quiet, sheltered enough for the night.

Anchored at McRae Cove, Qathet

Explored by dinghy, snorkeled among oysters and crabs. A nearby islet teemed with seals and sea lions, barking and growling in chorus.

Dinner on the BBQ. I lounged, lost in the pages of Son odeur après la pluie. The words fit the silence of the cove, heavy and thoughtful, resonating with the stillness around me. Clouds thickened, lightning flashed over Vancouver Island, rain pattered on the deck. We stayed put, falling asleep to the sound.

01/09 — McRae Cove (Qathet) to Duke’s Marina (Sechelt)

Swell crept into the bay overnight, rocking us just enough to stir. We left at low tide around 8 am.

The skies were dark, winds stronger, waves on the bow. Sea Goat cut through the chop, steady and sure. Ahead, the horizon broke open — the sun piercing the clouds in golden beams.

Even in rough water, the boat carried us with confidence. After a season of short runs and small lessons, this voyage felt like proof. Proof we could go further.

We turned south, retracing our path through the Salish Sea. The marina’s familiar silhouette emerged at last. We were back where we began — proof in transit and return that even the longest voyage circles home. Summer leaves you that way… grounded, yet changed. Not everything comes back the same, but somewhere along the way, home is found again.

In the Bay of Dolphins

Nelson Island

22/08 — Duke’s Marina (Sechelt) to Buccaneer Bay (Thormanby Island)

New cooler, who dis. It fit everything we threw at it and still looked like it could take more.

Thormanby was gentle that night. Only a handful of boats scattered across the bay, each rocking slowly, as if they were breathing in sync. The sky burned pink, ribs charred on the grill, mushrooms stuffed and bubbling, potatoes soft with garlic and herbs. Later, we stretched out on the bow, the air warm, the tide lapping. The stars spilled out like confetti, the kind of sky that makes you believe in promises you can’t quite put into words.

23/08 — Buccaneer Bay (Thormanby Island) to Green Bay (Nelson Island)

We left with coffee warming our hands, anchor clinking as it lifted. The Strait opened wide and calm, Texada’s ridges soft in the west, the Coast Mountains sharp and blue in the east. It felt like the world had parted just for us.

Entering the Agamemnon Channel

We trolled along the way — no bites, no luck, but that’s ok. About 12 nautical miles later, passing through Agamemnon Channel between Nelson Island and the Sunshine Coast, Green Bay opened up. Chalets clung to the rocks at the entrance, but deeper in the bay the water fell still. A sailboat was anchored near the split rock, half-hidden at low tide. At the far end, a lone cabin sagged into the forest. Off to one side, the sunken hull of an abandoned sailboat rested in the shallows, only its mast left above water.

We dropped anchor opposite the outcrop, settling Sea Goat into the bay.

And then came the dolphins — a whole pod of Pacific white-sideds, circling and leaping right around us. For hours they stayed, skimming past the hull and breaking the surface with silver arcs. We ate shrimp cakes with avocado salsa, but barely noticed the food. Our eyes never left the water.

Later we took the dinghy out, following the shoreline.

Exploring around Nelson Island

More abandoned cabins, once alive with quarry men and loggers, now softened into moss and silence.

One of many abandoned cabins along the shores

Back on board, we poured rosé as the dolphins returned. A mother seal and her pup lingered closest, rolling slow in the kelp. I named them Seala and Sealo, because names made them our friends, even just for the night. Dinner was chicken kebabs, mushrooms again, couscous. The bay was calm, the stars sharp. We played games, laughed until the quiet swallowed us, and slept to the sound of dolphins breathing near.

Seala and Sealo, the seal duo

24/08 — Green Bay (Nelson Island) to Duke’s Marina (Sechelt)

Anchor up, smooth this time. Merci beaucoup.

The Strait was calm for the crossing, and Sea Goat cut through like a dream. We trolled as we went, landing a small coho that we released. Day three and the cooler still held ice — cheers to that small win. Breakfast was mimosas on deck with our classic seafood cakes and salsa.

On our way back, passing by Hodgon Islands

Back at Duke’s Marina, Sea Goat tied and cleaned, holding her place until we cast off again.

Anchored in August

Thormanby Island

08/08 — Duke’s Marina (Sechelt) to Buccaneer Bay (Thormanby Island)

Sea Goat’s stocked and set up now, which makes getting going easier.

Tried changing the fuel filter again. On the way to Thormanby, the engine quit completely — almost there, but stuck in the middle of the bay. I’m no mechanic, so I let the captain handle it.

We made it to anchor without too much trouble. Thankfully, it’s not too busy here.

Anchored at Buccaneer Bay, Thormanby Island

Shrimp pasta in lemon-garlic cream for dinner while the sun broke across the sky.

The Sturgeon Moon rose behind Sea Goat’s constellation again. A sign? Watched it climb into the darkening sky, full and glowing orange. Magical.

09/08 — Buccaneer Bay (Thormanby Island)

Stayed anchored today. No point trying to fix something we don’t have the parts for. Not a bad place to spend the day — so much to do, or nothing at all.

After coffee, took the dinghy out to drop crab traps at 100 feet, plus one closer to the boat.

Back for breakfast: our classic shrimp cakes with fresh mango guacamole.

More exploring by dinghy. Clear waters, lots of swimming, walking the sandy beach. So much life — mussels, tiny fish darting, shells scattered along the shore.

Beautiful sandy beach and clear waters

Back to Sea Goat, cleaned the engine, propeller, and sonar.

Pulled the trap near the boat. One small red crab released, and one Dungeness kept. Decided to eat it here rather than transport it home the wrong way. Thanked it for the perfect meal.

Sparkling wine, fresh crab, music, sunshine. Haven’t felt that happy since Juno passed. Life isn’t always easy, so I’m savouring these magical moments while they’re here.

For dinner, cooked Maui steak skewers on the BBQ and made another fancy platter. Still full from the morning, but why not—fifteen years in the food industry has taught me there’s always room for something good.

Played games, watched the moon rise again.

Lay on the bow, stars beaming alongside the moon. Thought of Juno, Lady, my mom. Of the people I’ve met while moving through the world—some who’ve drifted with time and distance, and others who’ve stayed close. Faces, moments, places—they come and go, yet linger somewhere within. And so do the places I’ve been, the things I’ve seen, and the ones still waiting.

Things are different now, but this is good.

The Summer I Found Home Again

Thormanby & Texada Islands

01/08 — Duke’s Marina (Sechelt) to Buccaneer Bay (Thormanby Island)

We pulled up to the ferry early, bracing for the BC Day long-weekend chaos, but the wait was short. Lately, luck seems to travel with us.

Arriving at the marina earlier than expected felt like a gift. The engine issue still nags at the back of our minds, but there’s comfort in having daylight and time on our side.

The docks were scorching, the sun pressing down with full August force. Summer in its truest form.

Changed the oil filter—it was filthy. Maybe that was the culprit. Out in the Strait of Georgia, we tested speed, and the boat surged ahead again. I held my breath, half afraid the moment wouldn’t last, but we were flying. Fingers crossed the fix holds.

By the time we slipped into Thormanby, the bay was alive—boats scattered like seashells along the horizon. We found a spot between a motorboat and a sailboat, dropped anchor, and let the day exhale. Dinner was served under a sky streaked with the last gold of the sun.

Boats anchored at Buccaneer Bay, Thormanby Island

02/08 — Buccaneer Bay (Thormanby Island)

“Where do you feel the most at home?”

A question that has followed me through time.

Four letters that mean so much more than a tangible place. Maybe home lives in fleeting moments of love, in the beauty of nature, in the people who make us feel a little bigger inside. Maybe home carries our memories—the ones that shape us, the ones we return to. Maybe home is where the line between self and surroundings blurs, where we feel safe, loved, and grounded enough for our favourite version of ourselves to show up.

I’ve found home in many places…

In the backstreets of Marrakech with my mom, getting lost because detours have always been the best part. In the rural trails of Nepal, tired and out of breath, my guide’s stories and lessons shifting my perspectives. In the belly laughs with a friend, sweat pouring halfway up a mountain. In the dozen pairs of shoes lined up in the alley of a Caribbean apartment only my roommate and I shared. In the morning chatter of roommates in a mountain house who became family. At an off-grid camp that felt like a safe haven. In sunrises, sunsets and rainy forests. In the weightless silence of floating underwater. In the rush of a powdery descent.

And then, there were my dogs. I’ve found home in the quiet, everyday moments we shared in nature. They were my roof and walls, the grounding I carried with me, wherever we went.

And now, since Juno left, I hadn’t felt it. Not really.

Until here. Until now.

Over fifty boats crowd Buccaneer Bay. People are laughing, swimming, stringing up fishing lines. Dogs tear down the beach in happy pursuit of one another. Yachts, zodiacs, paddleboards—every kind of vessel rocking gently in the tide. Out here there’s no scroll, no feeds, no notifications. Just the bay, the people, the dogs, the ocean. Life is spilling over everywhere, and somehow in the noise of it all, I find quiet.

I find peace.

I find home again.

03/08 — Buccaneer Bay (Thormanby Island) to Anderson Bay (Texada Island)

The new fuel filter didn’t fix the speed. Waters were calm, so we cruised and trolled to the southeast tip of Texada Island. 

No one at Anderson Bay. Anchored at thirty feet and explored by dinghy.

Tall straw grass along the sandy shore. Deer grazing. Eagles overhead. A humpback tail in the distance. Spotted Otta, my otter friend again, this time with a partner and two pups. One pup was crying on the far side of the bay. Watched him swim across to find them, hoping he made it.

Back on the boat for rosé, poke, cheese, dips. Life is good when you’ve earned the downtime. Ocean boating is work, but it makes these moments especially delicious.

The mosquito net over the bimini kept the bugs away and the air moving.

Games, music, wine, bed. Tomorrow will bring wind and big knots.

Anchored at Anderson Bay, Texada Island

04/08 — Anderson Bay (Texada Island) to Duke’s Marina (Sechelt)

Woke up early for departure. Pulled the anchor but left the dinghy to float for a while. The engine was still running slow, so we took advantage of the calm waters for the trip back to the marina.

Smooth travels with coffee in hand. Lines dropped, but no bites — we might need to rethink our fishing approach next time.

Waves started to pick up, so we brought the dinghy onboard before breakfast.

Breakfast on board, then back to the marina. Tidy up the space. Until next time, Sea Goat.

When the Ocean Tests You, and the Island Holds You

Jedediah Island

11/07 — Duke’s Marina (Sechelt) to Buccaneer Bay (Thormanby Island)

Arrived at Duke’s Marina around 7:30 pm with more gear than expected. Cloudy skies with pockets of sunshine as we set out.

The horizon opened into sunset by the time we anchored at Buccaneer Bay. Smoked bacon and ravioli with pesto for dinner, and a bottle of red.

A tranquil seascape at sunset, featuring calm waters reflecting the sky with scattered clouds and rays of light breaking through, hinting at distant land on the horizon.
Beautiful evening on our way to Buccaneer Bay, Thormanby Island

Then the full moon rose under Sea Goat’s constellation. I sat at the end of the boat watching stars move across the sky. The moon was so bright. Is this you, Juno? Lady?

How magical is this!

Thank you.

12/07 — Buccaneer Bay (Thormanby Island) to Codfish Bay (Jedediah Island)

Howly guacamole.

Woke groggy to a ceiling that looked like a mosquito massacre. Over twenty didn’t make it through the night, their bloody remains marking the beige carpet.

Waves were picking up. Out the window, trees swayed and the mast light of our neighbour’s sailboat bobbed. At least we’d anchored well.

Coffee first, then anchor up. I need to get faster at that. Getting out of the bay was easy. What came next was not.

Swells rolled in. This is ocean, baby. I kept telling myself this is what I wanted, but maybe not today.

It was rough. Very rough. Terrifying. I put my life jacket on. That’s what they’re for, right? I go quiet. My mind races to my mom, to the ones I love, to the great life I’ve had — highs and lows included. I thought of Lady and Juno. Maybe it’s okay. Maybe if today’s the day, I’ll be with them again.

Fuck.

Engine problems.

We approached Texada Island as the swells became full waves. At least the engine held through the worst of it, but we still weren’t there yet.

Ta ta ta ta.

We crept slowly toward our destination.

Finally, we found the bay. Secluded. Protected. Only two boats, and one left, giving us the prime anchorage.

We made it. At least for now. Time for a Caesar, then we’ll explore the island. That’s what we came for, after all.

11/07 — Jedediah Island

Beauty morning at Codfish Bay. We’d scored prime real estate in the sheltered bay on the southeast side of the island. The water here is calm and glassy, framed by rocky shores and thick forest that opens into wide meadows.

Cooked breakfast, then set out to explore. Today was for no worries. We’d stay anchored here.

View of Codfish and Home Bays on Jedediah Island

Jedediah is only reachable by water, and solitude arrives the moment you step ashore. Long before homesteaders, these shores were part of Coast Salish life; a tidal fish weir in the shallows still shows how people once lived and gathered here. In 1949, Al and Mary Palmer came to the island, carving out a homestead where they lived for decades before it was purchased by the Province in 1995. When the people left, some of the goats and sheep remained, turning feral and reshaping the meadows in their own way. Visitors still speak of Will, the horse who lived out his days here.

The trail wound north through forest into an open field. I searched for the goats and sheep, but saw only their traces — droppings, faint paths through the grass. I found Will’s grave, then others, small markers of lives remembered in silence.

On the southeast side, the old cabin still stand, once inhabited by the island’s homesteaders and now slowly weathering back into the land. I’ve always been drawn to cabins — the way they hold onto stories even as time wears them down, balancing what was with what is.

Near the barn, an orchard of apples and pears still leans into the grass as if waiting for someone who never came back — a quiet reminder that those who lived and loved here left more than footprints.

It felt good to stretch the legs. Back at the boat for some appies and chilled wine — though the cooler really needs replacing, drinks warm up too fast. Adding that to the list.

Took the dinghy for a sunset cruise around Rabbit Island.

Off to bed early. Tomorrow we’ll be up before the storm rolls in. Let’s hope Sea Goat will take us home.

13/07 — Codfish Bay (Jedediah Island) to Duke’s Marina (Sechelt)

Up at 5:30 am. The other boats had already slipped away. The storm was on its way.

Anchor up, slow cruise back. The motor still wouldn’t give us much speed.

The sunrise was beautiful, waters calm. Saw two humpbacks moving in the distance.

Made it in before the weather.

Travelling south following the Sunshine Coast

The Beginning

Thormanby & Texada Islands

04/07 — Duke’s Marina (Sechelt) to Buccaneer Bay (Thormanby Island)

At Duke’s Marina, the tide was low and the ramp stretched steep, with seaweed drifting in the clear water and purple starfish fastened to the pilings. We stowed our bags into a wheelbarrow and trundled down to the dock, something I had always wanted to do. First time loading up, first time heading out. Sea Goat waiting below felt like the start of everything.

She still carries Maria on her stern, but to us she is already Sea Goat. The name surfaced in a conversation with my mom, a quiet nod to our Capricorn stars and our love for both the mountains and the sea. It is said that changing a boat’s name without the proper ritual can anger the sea gods, so for now her new name is only spoken between us.

We pushed off at dusk. The water was calm and easy, only the hum of the motor and the occasional ripple. The sun set straight ahead, casting gold and pink across the Malaspina Strait.

On the Malaspina Strait, from Secret Cove to Thormanby

A cool breeze came up as we moved, carrying cedar from the shore mixed with salt from the water. It was exactly the kind of beginning we had hoped for, smooth and quiet, with the evening light pulling us toward Buccaneer Bay.

Thormanby’s Buccaneer Bay is known for its long sandy beaches and its safe, sheltered anchorage. Even from the water you can tell why people fall for it — the stretch of sand, the quiet protection of the cove, the soft pull of summer gathering here year after year.

A scenic view of a calm bay with a small boat anchored in shallow water, surrounded by sandy beaches and a forested island in the background.
Sea Goat anchored at Buccaneer Bay, Thormanby Island

05/07 — Buccaneer Bay (Thormanby Island) to Anderson Bay (Texada Island)

Woke to still, shallow water. Very shallow. Too shallow. We’d anchored just outside the deep channel, close to the sand stretching out with the low tide. Time to move. Fast. We won’t make that mistake again.

Pulled anchor and headed for deeper water. Drifted toward Texada Island for a couple of hours. Coffee brewing, sun warming up, air salty and clean. Let the day start slow.

Anderson Bay sits on the southeast tip of Texada Island. It’s quiet, tucked in, and well-sheltered when the wind comes from the north side. The water is clear green along the shore and fades into a deep blue further out. The warm pine scent from the forest hangs in the air.

Anchored at Anderson Bay, Texada Island.

We anchored for the day and watched eagles circling overhead while fishing boats hummed past.

Two bald eagles perched on a tree branch surrounded by green foliage under a clear blue sky.
Neigbour watch

On the distant shore, a little otter appeared. She slipped into the water and swam toward us, curious. Pirouetting in the waves, juggling her meal, she floated on her back, paddling slow and snacking on little fish. Otta will be her name. I hope I see her again.

A curious otter floating on its back in calm blue waters, playfully snacking on fish.
Otta the otter playfully snacking on fish.

We didn’t make it to shore, but next time for sure.

Headed back to Buccaneer Bay for the night, and this time we’ll set the anchor right.

Life Without a Dog

Life without a dog…

It’s freakin’ weird.

It’s quieter, but not peaceful.
Cleaner, but not comfortable.
Freer, but not full.

It’s been six months and I’m still learning out how to move through days that don’t start with a morning howl or end with an I wuv you.

The ache shows up in strange moments—
a phantom weight curled at my feet,
a routine I still reach for,
a face I search for in the rearview,
a reach for a name that no longer runs ahead,
a muse that’s no longer there,
a love with no place to land…

Living with the question that always lingered but was never meant to be answered, “What would I do without you?”

People say time helps.
Maybe.
But it also teaches how to live with the missing.
How to carry it.
How to smile through the sting.

Eventually, new rhythms form.
Different ones.
Because life continues, and you move with it.
And somehow, almost magically, you see them in all the beauty they once taught you to see.
And slowly, life reshapes itself around the love that never left… and never will.

And maybe one day, when the time feels right, that love can be shared again.

Because life without a dog just ain’t the same.

A Lifetime of Juno

After Juno’s passing, I reached out to the kind heart whose Kijiji ad led me to her. She had met Juno, originally named Qimmiq (like the Inuit breed, which also means “dog” in Inuktitut), at the shelter in Nunavut, where she was brought after being found alone in the snow. She fostered her on Baffin Island, where Juno was born, before eventually bringing her to British Columbia. Qimmiq’s story, typed into a ‘Inuit sled dog cross looking for a good home’ ad, became the final link in a beautiful chain of events that gave me the most wholesome years of my life. I am forever grateful to her.

In response to my message, she shared this first photo with me—Juno at just a few weeks old, taken a month before we met, standing before the mountains of the Arctic island where her life began. It feels only fitting that I was able to give her the life she was destined for, one filled with open spaces to roam and to grow. To become Juno.

In honour of a life well-lived, here is a photo for each of her years. From orphaned pup to Queen of the North. Her life in full. A lifetime of Juno.

Juno

Her name still echoes in the silence she left behind. It lingers like her scent after the snow—cold and fresh, like winter air clinging to her memory. The smell of her after a walk through the white landscapes, snowflakes melting into her coat, carrying with them the crispness of our favourite places. The scent of home, wild and free. Her absence is a weight I carry in places I didn’t know existed.

Qimmiq at just a few weeks old after being found orphaned in the snow, taken by her foster family a month before we met, standing before the mountains of Baffin Island, Nunavut, where her life began. It feels only fitting that I was able to give her the life she was destined for, one filled with open spaces to roam and to grow. To become Juno.

I think of the wilderness and how she belonged there. The way she pranced through open spaces, happy and free. I see her still—leading the way along narrow trails, disappearing into alpine meadows, wading through glacial streams. She would pause at waterfalls, ears pricked, as if listening to something I couldn’t hear. I remember her running along sandy beaches, climbing ridgelines where the islands dot the ocean below and the mountains touch the sky. She was always just ahead, chasing scents, keeping the bears at a distance. She gave the wild a shape, a softness, a sense of home. Our home.

Juno carried the quiet strength of the North. She moved with the patience of a living creature who had seen the fragility of life and decided to take her time with it. I learned from her: how to be still, how to breathe, how to listen, how to notice, how to be.

Sometimes I wondered if she was part wolf; her sharp gaze and stance hinted at something wild and untamed. She would pause on ridgelines, wind lifting her fur, and in those moments, I wondered if the mountains whispered to her to run free with the wolves. Who knows—maybe she was part of them. She belonged there—wild and free—as much a part of the mountains as the snow that blanketed them each winter.

Sixteen years…

How do you hold sixteen years in your hands when there is nothing left to touch? How do you gather the memories without them spilling through your fingers?

I miss the sound of her breath beside me in the dark. The comfort of her presence in the distance. The way she would lovingly argue with me, stubborn and full of personality, just to have the last word—as if winning our little debates was part of the bond we shared. I miss the way she would pause on the trail, looking back to make sure I was still there—always waiting, always watching, as if she knew we were meant to move through the world together. Her gaze—steady, knowing, loving. As if she understood everything I never said.

I still wake early sometimes, expecting her gentle howl. The stretch, the sigh when I greeted her each morning. The happy wag of her tail. The smile in her eyes—full of promise, full of certainty. Because as long as we were together, every day would be filled with magic. I reach for her without thinking. But the space is cold now. Still.

Time carries a different kind of silence—one I’m still learning to live with. Yet, when the snow falls, it brings her back to me. I can almost hear the soft press of her paws against the snow, neither of us saying a word. The world seemed slower then, softened by the white hush.

She would pause sometimes, nose lifted, eyes half-closed, breathing in the cold air as if it carried secrets only she could hear. I wonder what she felt in those moments. I wonder if she knew I was watching her, learning from her. Deeply loving her.

Grief is strange. It wraps itself around you slowly. You think you’re fine until the snow falls again. Until you step outside and feel the bite in the air. Until the world looks exactly as it did when she walked beside you, her fur dusted with white, her breath visible in the cold.

They say time heals. But I don’t want time to heal this. I don’t want to forget the ache because the ache is where she still lives. In the hollow spaces, in the pauses.

In the patch of carpet by the bed where she laid in her final days. In the strands of her fur that still drift through the air, because cleaning too much would feel like erasing her. In the empty den outside, the one I still haven’t had the heart to close. At the entrance of the trail we walked every day. In the way I still catch myself saving a piece of food for her, setting aside leftovers she will never eat. In the way I still search for pet-friendly getaways, always drawn to the places she would have loved the most.

But Juno is still here.

She lives in the wind through the trees, the hush of snowfall, the quiet before dawn. She lives in the way I hesitate at the door we once walked through together.

Juno lives in the way I linger in the places she loved.

And sometimes, I hear her howling in the wind. Her presence, steady and close. I sit still in nature, and for a moment—just a moment—I believe she’s still there.

I let myself believe.

Yes, that’s a freakin’ white rainbow in the background. Just when I was wondering if I could believe in the rainbow bridge, a white arc appeared over the mountains after Juno went to sleep, my shadow cast in the light. Filled with magic, I could almost hear her howl in the wild, like a whisper in the wind—just out of reach, but there all the same.

Love leaves marks. Juno left hers in the rhythm of my days, in the beauty that she taught me to see, in the quiet of a snowfall. In the spaces where silence is no longer empty but filled with her memory. Sixteen years. A lifetime of Juno.

And somehow, still not enough.

Goodbye my sweet Juno. I will always wuv you 🖤🐺