Self-Portrait

284174_10152160757585721_628061876_nNote: I found this old piece I wrote on a scratch paper when I was 19. I thought it would fit well in this blog.

I was born from my mom, a Caucasian lady from the early 50’s. She truly lived the 70’s, the hipped, the love, the zen mode. She got a lot of life on her shoulder though. That’s from where she taught me the real experiences of life. She mostly taught me that the beauty is in the eye of the holder…

I was born from a dad, a certain man who found refuge in our country from a war that wasn’t his. He left a place he called home, running from bombs and guns, leaving family behind. He came here with injustice in his blood, that pushed him away from me and my mom, too much problems I guess,  maybe it was for the best.

I have a brother, we’re from the same woman. I couldn’t see him that much. I was born when he was a bum, then he left for new adventures and trotted the globe. I would look at him as my hero, my mentor. Once a year, if I would be lucky, I would see him coming from an exciting country. He would make me dream about the world, and gave me that thing in your heart that makes you want to know the Whole Wide World.

So I grew up alone with my mom and lots of dogs. My mom was a down-to-earth person. All she wanted was to give me the best of everything. We never got money really. But what is it about money anyway? What more in life do you need, then true values and love from your lady? She taught me to appreciate, to respect, to be honest… She taught me to open my heart, to listen to what people have to say, to share opinions… She taught me to be myself, no matter what… She taught me to always stay beautiful, in the inside… She taught me that life is the most beautiful thing alive, and so appreciate everything that I have…

My first question when I came into this world was: Me, who am I really? It’s not my name, or my age, or where I’m from that really makes who I am. So what is it all about this ME?

Maybe it’s more about what I think, what I believe, what I like and I don’t like…

And what about what I believe? I believe that each human kind is equal. We all have feelings, emotions, different passions and opinions. We all have something to say and something to share. All opinions are good. We just need better arguments to prove our point. I believe that if everyone would respect and listen to what others have to say, maybe we’ll give our world a little more chance to stay…

I also believe that publicity and money push the ”American dream” too far in our society. We don’t need to look perfect, what’s perfect anyway? A Cleopatra, a Marilyn Monroe, La Jocombe? Or just the innocence of a rich princess like Britney? And what is it about that insignificant reality TV? Are we really at the point of considering our lives too boring so we’re excited to watch other people’s impertinent and crappy life? And what about money? Are we really going to be happier with big house chalet in the mountains? Having a sailing boat so we can travel the world? Have enough money so we can enjoy all the craziness in life? Well… maybe… maybe I’d like all those things, I admit. But maybe I can want it so much that I will accomplished enough so I can get myself a little piece of happiness somehow, somewhere…

I believe that everything happens for a reason. The Butterfly effect, you know? I believe that what goes around comes around. I believe a positive attitude and interest will save from bad days. I believe in Karma. Come to day with a big smile and willing to spend great moments, you’ll attract great people and maybe something good will happen…

Some people say we might be doctors, real estates agents, functionaries… Maybe we don’t all need a career to be fully complete. Maybe some of us just need job, where we punch in the morning, catch our paycheck and then go home to the ones we love. Does life really have to be complicated? Maybe we want to experience the outdoors of our life and share new adventures and cozy moments with people that are precious to us.

I believe in love. I think being able to open its heart for someone is the most incredible feeling in the world. I believe in butterflies. I love butterflies! I think that if you got the power to feel every little beat of your heart and your soul, I think you got a real connection with life.  Love isn’t just a four-letter word. It means opening, sharing, trusting, understanding, caring, loving… It’s not a promise to love to death, it’s not a commitment, it’s not about marriage… It’s about loving each other. It is the YOU and the ME connected by a deep feeling that makes ONE. Does true love really exists? Is there someone in this world that would be our perfect fit? I don’t know. But what I know, is when you find someone that makes you laugh, smile, dream… you need to fight for it, maybe that will be this thing in life that would be worth fighting for…

So come to that, what is it that we really want in life? Money? Love? Career? I believe that being happy, just happy every day of your life… that’s probably what I would like… To wake up each and every morning with a smile, for the rest of my life… To wake up to a life that I like, that is mine, full of achievements and completed goals. As long as you are happy with who you are, what you have, and what surrounds you, I think you’re living it up.

So I don’t know what I want to be… I’m thinking about it right now, I am a little confused, a little lost. I want to achieve big goals, project big dreams. I guess I will keep my imagination going and we’ll see where it’ll take me. Maybe I’ll end up living in a perfect paradise that I could call mine. A deserted island far away from politics, bar-bar ideas and war. Maybe the sand will be white, the water turquoise and no richness, no poverty, only people with big hearts and big smiles.  We’ll see what happens… everything is possible… as long as you believe 🙂

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