When I turned 19 and graduated from college, I left a boyfriend and friends at home, packed a bag and left on the unknown roads of life. With an objective of creating new experiences, meeting new friends, facing new challenges, I was faced with a blank page to fill with stories and memories. With no one to hold my hand to cross the streets of my destinies, I did it all on my own with and am so proud of myself. I created a life on my own.
8 years later, I am facing the urge of a change. An escape of the moment. When everything seemed perfect, I needed to go away, on a remote island, with the hopes that everything will be ok.
Yes, it is hard. Don’t get me wrong, I meet nice people and mostly manage to keep myself busy. I mean, I work a lot, make good money, spend breaks at the beach… But because of the excess amount of hours we all spend at work, we never find time amongst the girls to plan activities on our time off, as it never corresponds. I want to challenge myself physically and mentally by getting engaged in convivial activities and conversing with peeps outside the social club scene. I need to energize on adventures and explore more than the building at work and the bottom of my glass of wine.
Going out socially standing alone as the new girl could be at times overwhelming. I feel like the first day at a new school where gangs are created and packs are formed. I feel that I was for so long in a shell, isolated in the mountains and from the social world, comfortably living in a cocoon, that is difficult for me to break out, express and let go of myself. My home shell protected me from discomfort, contrast, altered personalities. I got to pick and choose because at the end of the day, I wasn’t alone. And I miss home for that. Friends that became my family. The physical and emotional contact with the people I love. The relationships I worked on for many years that are now made of gold. My dear friends, the people that made me who I am. Without them, I feel vulnerable and naked.
This whole experience is indeed scary and I haven’t totally adapted yet. Sometimes I think of coming home to the ones I love, to the ones that love me in return and understand the person that I am.
Never run away from your fears, nor your problems, nor your home. Yes, it is what I did. I don’t regret it because I have to stay focus and positive. I am so glad I am here. In need of the experience indeed, but in greater need to get a hold of it and make the most out of it shortly.I have an itch. And I can’t scratch it. I have to understand where it’s from and learn from it. I don’t know how long it will last, but what I know is that it will eventually go away, Because nothing lasts forever..
One thought on “Longing For Home”
L'important est bien de ne pas faire l'autruche et d'y faire face. Le plus difficile est de mettre le doigt sur le bobo et, il n'est pas toujours là où on pense.