I am sitting in front of a blank page, not really sure what to write about. I guess I’m not really sure of a bunch of things right now. That’s always been my life. Uncertainty. Instability. Insatiability. Never knowing what’s gonna happen next has always been challenging, although exciting and exhilarating. I always lived up to that. Now that I reached the age of 30, I’m wondering when am I gonna start being serious? When am I gonna switch lane and settle down?
“Whenever you find yourself on the side of majority, it is time to pause and reflect.” -Mark Twain
Lately I’ve been reading articles about growing up. Most mention that at the age of 30 you should know exactly where you stand: confident of your future, stable with your finances, certain of your relationships, holder of land. I guess I’ve been too busy enjoying my 20’s that I forgot to think about all of the above.
Career? I know I don’t want to work for someone else’s dream. That’s why working in the service industry gives me flexibility to travel and the funds required to get closer to my own pie in the sky. Family? I do want kids. Some of my own, some adopted. However, I’m not ready yet. I just finished being one myself. Perhaps I’ll never be done being a kid. Marriage? I don’t believe in the modern concept of marriage. Still, I do believe in love. And I believe that once you find real love, you hold on to it. It might be this thing in life worth fighting for. Home? I do have a few places I call home. Places that inspire me, places that bring me back to great memories. I’m grateful I got the chance to live in these beautiful locations. But what is home anyway? A place? A person? A satisfaction?
I’m 30 and key free. I have the freedom to leave without worrying about anything. When I was 25 I had too many too young. Between car, house, locker, parking, office keys, I found myself living the stable life I never wanted. It only lasted a year, then I decided to get rid of all keys, packed my bags and moved to an island of the Caribbean, where neither keys or shoes were required.
Growing up. Do I have to? I don’t want to loose my eagerness to run to the sea, to climb a tree, to roll in the mud with my dogs. I don’t want to loose the power to day dream and believe in fairy tales. I don’t want to loose the ability of letting loose and being spontaneous. I don’t want to loose the capability to book a one way plane ticket, the open mind to backpack to a developing country, to love to sleep in the jungle amongst cockroaches, spiders and howler monkeys. I don’t want to let go of my freedom. I don’t want to grow up.
“If growing up means it would be beneath my dignity to climb a tree, I’ll never grow up, never grow up, never grow up! Not me!”-J.M. Barrie
Ok, you’re thinking: “one day you’ll hit a stump and you’ll have to start thinking about your future”. It’s true. I do think about my future, a lot more these days. And I think about my mom’s, and my future kids’ one day. And tic and toc… I know where I want to be, it’s just taking me longer than ”normal”, as I let life be. I guess first step would be to start putting priorities first. If my 20’s were all about the importance of making ”mistakes”, I should know by now not to make them again. Learning from past experiences. Understanding the feelings. Thinking before acting. Be more responsible. Be more knowledgeable of the world and its people. Choosing wisely. Moving forward. Growing up?
We surely grow old, accumulating years in our body, sun marks and eternal tan lines on our unfair skin. Each freckle commemorates a trip, each scar tells an interesting story, each wrinkle represents the repetition of an emotion. The benefits of yoga are racing with the existence of gravity affecting our body. We grow old. I came to accept that. And I guess I am growing up too, only at my own speed. Yet, one thing is for sure, if my body ages and my soul blossoms, I’ll ensure I keep my heart forever young and free.