Home vs. the Insatiable Wanderlust

3219168-old-globe I am sitting here with a glass of wine, looking at my globe accumulating dust. It hasn’t spun in a few months, resulting from having to keep my feet on ground for a while to make money. I have been back home since November, working the clock, collecting paper bills of different colors and trying to solidify the stump before I can go again, explore the world and vagabond.

The mountains, my home for the past decade, is a wonderful place. The mountain life is always filled with outdoor activities, creative arts, inspiring encounters and beautiful sceneries. It is a playground for the young and young at heart where people get inspired and live lively. However, why do I feel so nostalgic? Why, with all my amazing surroundings, am I still not completely fulfilled? Will it ever be enough?

I am a girl with an insatiable desire to travel the world. Without travelling, I am like a junkie without his goodies. I have itchy feet and I find satisfaction when I am submerged into the unknown. Routine and stability are scary things for me and I still don’t know how to live with them. I wish I could close my eyes right at this moment, spin the globe and travel to wherever my index finger lands. I want to be brought back in a smelly train in the middle of Asia looking at incredible landscape go by; I want to be squeezed again in that chicken bus in Central America amongst sweat and glorious stares; I want to be back holding on aboard a wooden boat somewhere in the Indian Ocean trying to spot a pod of wild dolphins… I have been to amazing places. I have seen things that I could never compare. I have met people that I will never forget. Travelling refreshes my senses. It brings me happiness. It fulfills me. And I miss it right about now.

Travelling blues? Yes indeed. Remedy? That’s why I started this blog. Not only to document my travels and experiences, but also to cure my nostalgia when she arises. Writing about my past adventures, I relive them. And I smile. And to read fellow wanderers that are diagnosed the same, my heart smiles. ”I might be a dreamer, but I am not the only one”.

My mother always told me to fully live all my emotions in order to get a better understanding of their origins. Feel the emotion, explore it, work it then release it. Perhaps turn it into a new emotion. Writing about this now, and embracing nostalgia, I come to realize that I am so lucky to have this unique life full with incredible and rich memories. And I am grateful for that…

Did gratitude just take over nostalgia?

I know I will be on the road again, feeding on the natural and cultural beauties of the world. But meanwhile, I must live in the present and enjoy my surroundings and the people that are part of it. I will climb to the peak of the mountain, grasp a breath of fresh air and remember that I live in one of the most magnificent places of this world, and that I am fortunate to be standing here along with extraordinary friends and family. To be able to wander the world, I need to wander mine first. To have a beautiful tree full of branches, it needs to have a solid stump. And it starts at home.


(I do not own these images)

The Return Home: What Would Have Been If…

Since I have been back home, living the sedentary life of a worker, I have had many thoughts about what could have been if I would have chosen another destination after I left Cayman. I thought of Australia, working in a fancy beach resort, or Switzerland working at a classy ski resort, or even try the south of France and search for work on luxurious boats. But my mind was set on Whistler, at least for then. To recharge batteries. To refresh my soul. To reconnect with the people who knows me best. To soak in the comfort of familiarity in the place I would never be alone.

But here I am sitting today thinking what could have been if I chose another way? I could be working by the Great Barrier of Reef living the life ”down unda”, or I could be travelling Europe after completing a ski season in the Alps, or I could be working my butt off on some rich yachts pocketing the big dough while sailing around the Mediterranean… A lot of different things could have been, but how would I know?

I am fortunate enough to have a life full of choices: the choice of schools, the choice of clothes, the choice of friends, the choice of paths. Many children still in today’s world only have one choice: the one to survive. So I try my best to grab every opportunity that I can and live up to them. When I got that phone call to go to Cayman in 2011, I hesitated at first and am so glad I took the offer. To burst the bubble and explore the outside world was so far the best experience I ever had. Travelling is one thing, because you have a return date, therefore you know you are coming back. But living abroad is jumping in an obscure ocean filled with uncertainties and unknown. And that’s the best feeling. I remember that feeling while, in 2003, I left my hometown and travelled 5,000km by bus to Canada’s opposite coast. I learned English and developed a true passion for travelling. Indeed I’ve trotted many roads since, but I’ve stayed here the most. Now that I am back, I have difficulties to commit to anything. I got rid of most of my large belongings prior to Cayman and now, I’m afraid to get a new car, or a new bike or a stable job. I’m still afraid to unpack my boxes. I am afraid of catching up on a routine that will confirm a sedentary existence. And then I realized: how can I commit to here when I always have a foot in the door? I want to taste different lifestyles. I have to keep working on creating the next chapters in this book of life.

So what would have been if I didn’t choose to come back home? I don’t know. I can’t predict the future or create a different present. This is it right now and I am grateful for the things and people that surround me. But I am currently working on future  projects that will satisfy my needs. Because I can.